It's a genius plan.

Except I'm not the genius, she is. My wife is a high school teacher and every now and then she tells her kids she'll bring in some baking, which is where I come in. The last time that promise was made we had some lemons left in the bowl and I made these lemon muffins as minis with a dollop of lemony icing on top.


Obviously I did quality checking before handing them over for the students. WOW! They pack a lemony punch.

My wife used them as a bribe; a 'work hard, get a muffin' sort of thing. The kids loved them, so she was happy and I earned points for being a good husband. Everyone wins.

See? Genius. Next time I figured I'd go with brownies. That way they'd be brownie points. Mmmm?
It was my birthday yesterday. 

43.

Well, I never saw that coming. That's old. Really old. I remember when I was 11 working out that when I was 30 it would be the year 2000. I never actually thought it would really, seriously happen. Now 30 was 13 years ago. A distant memory.

So here I am; an elderly Bloke who Bakes. I decided to buy myself a little something. Make that a big something. This big something:



And with my new Manly Mixing Machine I made the most manly of all baked goods: vanilla cupcakes. The recipe is from the mega-famous folk at Magnolia Bakery in New York.

To really up the bloke factor I figured pink icing would be the go. I don't have to tell you, they were delicious.



Make them. You won't regret it. And here's a tip (because that's how I roll): Time and full fat milk are the keys to great cupcakes. And more icing than is decent.
Oh Lordy, have I ever been getting compliments on the chocolate chip biscuits. I can't take credit for the recipe - that comes from our great fiend Janet. All I did was tweak.

But here's the thing: friends have tried to make these using the same recipe and they don't come out quite the same way. So here are a few biscuit making tips. One of which comes from the mighty Pauline Nunns - baker of international renown. the others are either mine or have been stolen fair and square from who knows where.



1. Cream the butter and sugar properly. Best to use a wooden spoon or table spoon. The thing is, the butter needs to be softened right. SOFT, but not melted. Do not use an electric mixer, and if you're going to use a mixing bowl put the paddle on.

2. Cut in the dry ingredients. Either with a flat bladed knife or a metal spoon. That is, fold around and then slice through rather than stir. Give it a crack - you'll get the hang of it.

3. Bake them a minute longer. You'll think they're done, but just leave them to go properly golden brown and you get the right 'snap' to the biscuits. Crunch on the outside, soft on the inside.

Okay. That's it. It's not that hard ... follow the instructions, feel the rhythm, bake. you'll be great.

A while back my step-mum gave me a mixing bowl that had been my Grandma's. Penny (step-mum) told me she'd never used it because she was afraid she'd break it.

I use this bowl every day.



Every day.

I love it. It's exactly the right size, solid, good weight, microwave safe. It's everything a bowl should be. I just googled the make and reg. number on the bottom. Turns out the bowl is nearly 100 years old!  there's a similar one for sale online for $US120.

Not that I'll ever sell this - it was my Grandmother's mixing bowl - but by hokey! Nearly 100 years old!! You can buy new ones. If you get one, in a hundred years your great, great grandkids might blog about it. Or whatever they do in a hundred years.

Today I made chocolate chip cookies in the bowl.

How about that? It was microwave safe about 80 years before microwaves.
The thing about having a hobby is, it means I'm easy to give to.

On my birthday and for Christmas people give me spatulas and wooden spoons and once my Mum gave me an electric mixer. Most. Awesome. Gift. Ever.

The rest of the year people feel compelled to give other stuff. They give me grief, they give me a hard time, they give me stick. All in jest. Cheeky buggers.

So I got this via facebook, twitter, email and text a couple of days back from a group of very giving friends. Made me laugh.



Seriosuly. He's going to make that pastry tough as anything. A REAL man would do the pressups with one hand and roll with the other. Gently.
Not many, but some.

I can NOT explain why, but on the suckiest days the thing I like to do is bake. Maybe it’s because it gives me something to focus on. Maybe it’s because at the end of the baking part I get to eat. Maybe it’s because it’s just quiet, methodical, cathartic.

Hang on. I just said I can’t explain it.

So yesterday, after a tired, kids shouting, too much to do, frustrating, 'my team lost last night', rainy, windy day stuck inside the shack I decided to bake a batch of these things. Afghonuts. The perfect combination of Afghan and coconut. Then I ate a couple of them.



Chocolate hit!

The satisfaction of a job well done. The fact that my son was into them too kinda helped the day get better. I've set some aside for a couple of mates who like chocolate as well. That way my day gets better and so does theirs.

Here's the thing about being a bloke: we need to impress. We need to impress women with our intelligence, wit and charm. We need to impress other blokes with our strength and sporting knowledge and all round manliness.

I, unfortunately, am lazy. So as I set out to impress there is always the question at the back of my mind: can I be impressive without putting in too much effort?

As a bloke who bakes that translates to: can I make something that looks amazing, tastes great, will wow the judges (guests), but that I can throw together between picking up the kids, helping with homework and bathing babies?

Gentlemen and ladies, I have found the answer and it is - yes. Yes I can. And so can you. Italians will want to shove a horse head into my bed for saying so (don't follow that link if you're an animal lover or queasy) but I've found a cheats way to do tiramisu.


All you need is some chocolate chip biscuits, some cream and a cup of coffee. Oh, and if you have some chocolate to shave or grate over the top that wouldn't hurt.
Big newsflash: I'm essentially a lazy man. Maybe that should just read, a typical man. I'll always create work for myself by trying to find the easiest way out.

As usual a coupla days back I had a hankering for something to eat and there was nothing in the cupboards. And as usual I couldn't be bothered finding my car keys, opening the garage, driving all the way to the dairy and buying biscuits. So I baked.


And it took waaaaay longer than it would have to just go buy something. But in the end it was so much better too.

A quick fish through the pantry and fridge gave me some pastry that I needed to use, apples that I'd bought to many of and a little left over cream. A clafoutis would have been quick and easy. Maybe a tarte tatin with the apples, but the pastry was short, not puff. Soooo - no. Plain old apple pie?

Then I decided - why not do ALL of them ... as a single dish? Why not indeed.

So it was that the world's first three in one pie as born. All caramelized, tangy-apple, buttery, fluffy goodness in a pastry shell.

Best right out of the oven served with whipped cream. The recipe is here. Do it. Your heart won't thank you, but your taste buds surely will.


I like to bake, right? But the baking still has to be eaten. The problem? Finding something that EVERYBODY in the family is gonna want. I've tried almost everything. Stuff I like, my kids don't want to know about.

Actually, the baked goodies they like all have icing and then they only eat the top half and leave the rest for me, slimed with saliva.

Until now!

Yep. We found one. Blueberry muffins. Okay, okay, it's taken me four years to figure out that the most popular baked item in any cafe was the one for us. But who cares if I'm slow. I got there in the end.

Neil gave me the recipe. It's even in my flippin' book. Should have thunk of it ages ago.

Try 'em. The whole family will like them.